Once upon a time, about 8 years ago, I was living and working in Virginia.  As my birthday approached, a friend at work offered to organize a lunch for me.  I picked a date and time and the guests, and the only one who couldn’t make it that day was he… I trust that all works out for the best, as an idle conversation between the four of us at my birthday lunch changed our lives.

We walked the two blocks from our office to the Corner Bakery restaurant, and sat on the patio under a big umbrella.  I ate my way through the pasta primavera and chopped salad, making small talk with my friends.   As my birthday had just passed, I brought half of my leftover farmers’ market cherry pie with me for our dessert.  Maybe it was the early afternoon sun, or the gentle breeze blowing, or the savory burst of flavor from that fateful pie, but we were all mellowed out, slumped in our chairs, avoiding the return to the office and to our mundane lives…

I tend to be an introvert– sometimes off of the chart introverted; sometimes a semi-social one.  I ran out of things to say to the gang, so I scrambled for anything floating around in my head…  “I’m reading an interesting book,” I mumbled.  They asked what it was.  I replied that I was reading Gay Hendricks’ book, “Five Wishes.”  The three of them wanted to know what the book was about.  (Note: this is not to be confused with the Five Wishes that is an advance directive living will).

I told them that psychologist Gay Hendricks wrote about his encounter with a stranger at a party years ago.  Hendricks wasn’t fond of attending parties, and hated engaging in small talk, so he wandered around the host’s house and found himself in the library.  Another guest was in the room and he surmised that Hendricks disliked small talk as much as he did.   The man suggested that they do “big talk,” and he told Hendricks about a near death experience that he had years ago and how it changed his life to do meaningful things.

He posed the question to Hendricks (pictured at right), “If you were to die tonight, would you be satisfied with your life?”  Hendricks had to admit that he wouldn’t.  The guest kept prodding him until he started to mention what he desperately wanted, yet had eluded him to date.  One was a successful long-term relationship.  Another wish was to write down everything that he had learned that could help others.  During the rest of the book, Hendricks describes how he decided on his 5 wishes, and what happened in his life when he started living those wishes.

Now my friends were really hooked on the story.  “So, what’s your wish?!” they demanded, hounding me into the hot seat.  I told them of my desire to leave a legacy.  I had written a book years ago, a book of daily guidance, which I had never published. I wanted to leave at least that to the world before I die.

I turned the tables and asked them about their wishes.  Marie was a supervisor.  She seemed happy in her work, yet I learned that her secret desire was to become a lawyer.  She had put that dream on hold to get married and start a family.   Marie also admitted that she would love to start a non-profit organization.

Carl was a code inspector and really good at it.  He is a great details guy.  I learned that Carl’s deep wish was to design and build furniture out of wood—not regular lumber from a store, but nature’s lumber: trees.  He also wanted to write novels.

Luis did admin work.  He was personable and the token extrovert of our group.  I never knew that he really wanted to learn to play the accordion and to speak Arabic.

I had worked with these three people for years– saw them five days a week at the office.  Yet, on that fateful day, from my off-handed comment about the book I was reading, the four of us returned to our office knowing each other on a deeper level.

Later that week, I mentioned to Marie how amazing it was to learn about each other on a deeper level.  She had the same feeling.   The next week, I returned to Marie with the two insights that came to me since my birthday lunch:  1. We could attain our 5 Wishes faster by working as a group than we could by working alone. 2.  That, among ourselves, we had the knowledge to help each other.  We had the answers among ourselves.   Marie agreed and we posed the idea to the guys.  They wanted in, too!

At first, we thought of meeting monthly, but it didn’t have the momentum to keep us going.   We started meeting weekly in Marie’s office, because she had a door and the rest of us had cubicles.  What I suspected would happen came true.  We could help each other.  Carl showed us his design for a coffee table he wanted to build.  “I could place a round sheet of glass over a tree trunk,” he mused.  Instantly, Luis piped up, “Hey, remember me telling you about that tree that fell in my yard after that big storm?  It’s still there.  Come, get the wood that you need.”

My job was monotonous.  I just wanted to be left alone to do my work.  But our 5 Wishes group was another thing.  That was my TEAM!  I felt alive sharing and receiving from them.  We clarified our wishes more.  Luis had to admit that more than playing the accordion and learning to speak Arabic, he really wanted to travel the world, live in a dream house, and get a college degree.  Luis came from a humble family in South America and took a big bite of the American dream.

Carl’s father died when Carl was in his late teens. Decades later, it was still a deep loss for him.  I learned about his motivation for his furniture and writing interests.   Carl’s father had made some furniture for his family and Carl treasured the pieces that he had.  He wanted to make furniture for his young sons to have to remember him by.  Carl’s father didn’t take care of his health and it shortened his life.   Carl didn’t want to die before his sons were grown up, so he worked out, ate healthy, and tried to be the best dad in the world to them.  He wanted to write novels so that he could spend more time with his sons while they were growing up and not have the long commute to and from the office.

Our 5 Wishes team had met for several months.  We had lots of ideas and our excitement grew.  It finally started to manifest when, during a meeting, Luis announced that the civic group to which he belonged was having its annual conference outside of the U.S. for the first time later that summer.  “It’s going to be held in Malaysia.  I’m going!  And, while I’m there, I want to visit Singapore, too!”  Carl noted, “Hey, this is really happening!”  I think it scared him, as he had not taken pen to paper yet to start his novel.

Marie registered her name for her non-profit organization.  I changed my name legally, based on my Neimology© Science studies, to help me actualize my 5 Wishes easier.  Carl built a small table lamp out of tree branches for his sons.  Luis realized that he couldn’t afford to buy his dream house.  He also said that he and his wife really liked the town and neighborhood that they lived in, so he embarked on a major rehab of his home.    We were on a roll!

Each year, our company’s HR department would sponsor Employee Appreciation Month.  Employees could teach other employees skills and subjects related to work, or other areas, like crafts, photography, genealogy, etc. during a 2 hour class.  Our 5 Wishes team prepared a proposal to HR and we were selected to teach a class.   Some of these classes could end up with only a handful of interested students.   Our 5 Wishes class attracted 28 employees.  Each of us shared a portion of our PowerPoint presentation, showing the results we had achieved so far.   Then, we broke the class into 4 or 5 groups and gave them exercises to identify their own 5 Wishes.  Of course, the others in these small groups often had suggestions of resources and people to contact for these people they had just met.   Some tears flowed as people reconnected with their dreams and received support from others.  I don’t know how many of our students continued to meet in groups.  Maybe our class was just a morning diversion one day for them.   I prefer to believe that we planted a seed in each of them that will eventually flower in their lives.

The last formal meeting of our 5 Wishes team was in 2018.  Carl and I resigned during the same month.  He was going to move to the pacific northwest with his family to chart a new course in their lives.  I was going to mosey south to the mountains of Western North Carolina to retire and live my true self life.  Marie had found a job in DC the year before that was more aligned with her dreams and we were happy for her.   She came across the river to Virginia to meet with Luis, Carl, and me at the BBQ restaurant where we ate after we taught our 5 Wishes class.

It was a bittersweet reunion, as I realized this would probably be the last time that we would all be together in person.  We picked up where we left off and updated Marie on what we were doing.  Luis had remodeled his house into a dream home.  He had also traveled to Costa Rica and Panama.  I think he was just a course or two away from receiving an Associate’s degree in business.  Of all of us, he put his dreams into action the most.  I had taught a few more employee classes, which made me feel like I was living one of my wishes: using my talents to their fullest.   Marie continued to work for the national organization in DC and, although it fulfills her, it demands long hours from her and we don’t stay in touch much.   Carl is spending lots of time with his sons.  I hope he writes that novel one day. He is still my “go to” guy with car and home repair questions.

Five Wishes:  the idle conversation that changed four people’s lives from ordinary towards our true selves.  It’s a short book—an easy read.  Hendricks is very candid about his foibles and how he overcame them.  At the very least, it’s a feel-good book to read.  At its best, it could change your life…